Or maybe not. I have been meditating a lot, not in the traditional sitting style, but in the american free-thinking style. Not that the American's have a monopoly on free-thinking, but I would say an unfettered wild mind the moves without direction could be described as a common American trait. And as I think about what it all means, I don't really get very far. Maybe the purpose of my life is to try to be cool and enjoy life, like this guy who offered to teach me mandolin
Or maybe it all means nothing and humanity is actually just insane. If this is the case, I think a car like this is perfectly acceptable.
Or maybe its the way I thought all along and I just forgot, because I was so focused on other things, near-term things, that I forgot that I had given myself a purpose. I want to be a humanitarian economist. I want to work for Latin America. I want to make people happy. I would like to stay healthy and happy myself. I think that is fair enough, and a large enough ambition to carry me until I no longer exist. My friend Lorena Duenas cheered me up, she was a humphrey fellow at BU from El Salvador and she is a financial regulator in her home country.
I saw Josh today, so I gave him back his textbook. I have to say, I was fairly nonplussed, and I think that is a good sign in moving on. I am proud of myself in that I had not thought about him in over a week. I've learned a lot about myself, and I have a lot of things to work on in myself before I start my next relationship, if that ever comes. If not, I think I will be ok just doing the things I set out to do. Companionship is a beautiful luxury, my favorite luxury, but it is still a luxury. Whether or not I find someone is mostly out of my hands. Whether or not I find a bike however, that is fully in my hands :P
